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An American Werewolf in Kipsburg, USA
CHAPTER THREE-THE CHAPTER WHICH HAS VERY LITTLE TO DO WITH AL
Here's the part where we have werewolves on the loose...oh wait, did that already. Well,
then, enter the cameo appearence! YEA! (Jamie's been looking forward to this part^_^)
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Much later...
Al felt himself lying in something very damp. He opened his eyes. He was lying in a muddy
patch of swamp. Long, tall reeds and cat tails grew around him. As he moved his head, a
frog jumped off and hopped away. Slowly, he managed to stand on his feet. "I got this
far..." he said, "I guess this means Rebo's safe."
He felt rather wobbly, and noticed a log. He sat down on it carefully. He heard frogs
croaking out in the swamp, crickets chirping, other sorts of swamp sounds (hey, use your
imagination, okay? THE IMAGINATION IS A WONDERFUL THING!). He didn't really notice though.
He was too busy feeling miserable. "I'm still a werewolf...and once that huge set of
clouds passes, I'm gonna become a psycho killer again," he lamented, "I guess
this does kind of put a cramp on my career. I mean, what happens if I accidentally kill a
fan? Or one of the guys in the band? Or one of my friends, or my family..."
Al held his head in his hands. "What am I gonna do?" he moaned.
"Nice one, Melanie," grumbled a woman's voice, "Now we're BOTH lost out in
the middle of nowhere...this is the LAST time I let you drive!"
"I'm sorry, Layla," apologized another woman's voice, "I guess I just took
that wrong turn at Albuquerque."
Al looked up and saw two very, very pale, skinny, seductive women. One of them had long,
blonde hair and bright red lips. She wore a long white dress with a lace ribbon under the
bust. The other had black hair, red lips, and wore a similar dress, only black. The
darker-haired girl noticed Al sitting on the log. "Excuse me, sir!" she called,
walking over to him, "Can you help us out?"
Al shook his head. "Sorry, I'm lost myself," he said, "I don't know the way
out."
"Oh," said the brunette, pouting. Suddenly, she began to look Al over.
"Heyyy...you're kind of cute..."
She walked over to Al, sitting down next to him on the log. The blonde groaned.
"MELANIE!" she yelled, "We don't have time for this!"
Melanie ignored Layla's comment. "So, what's your name?"
Al scooted over a little bit, nervously. Melanie batted her eyelashes. "Uhhhh...it's
Al..." he said, nervously glancing at the moon. It was safely covered with clouds,
and looked like it would be for a while.
"Al...Weird Al?" Melanie said, batting her eyelashes some more, "I thought
you looked kind of familiar..."
Suddenly, Melanie placed her arm around Al. He didn't know what to do. 'What the
heck?!' he thought.
Melanie moved closer, puckering her lips. Suddenly, Al shoved her back. "NO, no,
wait! I know what this is!" he yelled, "You're a vampire, aren't you?! And
you're trying to bite me and turn ME into a vampire too!"
"I TOLD you!" grumbled Layla, "Look, just bite him and let's get
going!"
"Okay," said Melanie, getting ready to leap forward, "Sorry, Al...I mean,
you're cute....but I have orders and all..."
"WAIT!" said Al, "You can't turn me into a vampire! I'm a werewolf
already!"
Melanie blinked (Wait, am I overdoing that?). "Really?" she said.
Al nodded, pulling back his shirt collar to reveal the pentagram on his shoulder. Melanie
looked down sadly. "That's a shame," she said.
"Great! Thanks a LOT, Melanie!" yelled Layla, "What a waste of time! You
KNOW we're forbidden to bite werewolves!"
Melanie stood up and walked over to Layla. "Oh well," she sighed, "Hey, Al,
if you get over the werewolf thing, and you're in town...call me, okay?"
Al nodded, nervously. "See ya!" she said, blowing a kiss.
As soon as they left, Al sighed. "Geez!" he said, "What is WITH this?
Beautiful, seductive women...all out to kill me! Or turn me into a vampire! OR a werewolf!
Or whatever!"
"Is it my deodorant?" he asked, lifting an arm and sniffing underneath.
The clouds still hung in front of the moon. "Well, I've got some time...until I
become a PSYCHO KILLER!" he yelled, angrily.
Silence. Eventually, Al got bored and started singing "Everything You Know Is
Wrong" to himself. It wasn't an appropriate time for song, yes...but the song fit the
situation, and Al really didn't have any better ideas.
Rebo held the phone to her ear, playing with the cord as she waited for the hotel to
connect to Bobby's room. Soon, she heard him pick up the phone. "Bobby?" said
Rebo.
"Hey, Rebo!" said Bobby, "Grandma's fine, turns out she'll make it after
all...so, how was the concert?"
"Bobbyyyyy..." she whined, then started to cry.
"Rebo! My little Twinkie! What's wrong?" Bobby asked, concerned, "Did
something go wrong at the concert? Was Al sick?! Did they cancel? Did security kick you
out?"
Rebo blew on a hankie. "No," she sniffled, trying to hold back her tears,
"Everything went great...Al threw me the Yoda mic..."
"That's great!" Bobby said, "Oh no! Did you forget the words?"
"Of course not!" snapped Rebo, "It's just one word!"
"Then what happened?"
"See...Al and I...*sniff*...we were out walking, and I showed him the park...and
then...a big mean werewolf chased us! And then I lost Al and I had to go find him, and
when I did...I found out he got bit and now Al's a...a...WEREWOLF!"
Rebo broke down into sobs. "Oh my God...are you serious?" Bobby said, "No,
you are...I'm sorry..."
"Bobbyyyyy," whimpered Rebo, "what should I do?"
"Man...I wish I knew! ARGH!" grumbled Bobby, "Wait!"
"Yes?" said Rebo, hopefully, as she blew her nose some more.
"I have a cousin, he lives about thirty minutes away from Kipsburg...his name is
Wendall...he specializes in dealing with things like vampires and zombies and werewolves!
And since he was too busy tonight with a job, his parents didn't make him come...see, they
don't know, and all...I'll call him and ask him to come!"
"Ooooohhhhh! Bobby!" Rebo instantly changed from crying, pathetic teenage girl
to perky and energetic again, "My snoogie woogie wips! I love you!"
"I love you too, my little Twinkie..."
Rebo and Bobby both made kissing noises into the phone, then Rebo slammed down the
receiver. "All right!" she said, "Now, to find Al and hope that Wendall
shows up!"
Suddenly, a howl rang out. Rebo's heart jumped. "Al?" she called. She turned
around and saw Lupa(In werewolf form) slowly lumbering towards her. "HOLY FLYING
FICKLE FINGER OF FATE!" she said (Rebo tended to also refrain from swearing),
"You're not Al! You're that...big...MEANIE wolf!"
WereLupa growled (Maybe I should go get a thesaurus?) and charged at Rebo. Rebo prepared
to jump out of the way when a few clouds driftedin front of the moon. WereLupa stumbled as
she slowly changed back to human form. She got to her feet, mumbling something about how
the weather report predicted clear skies all evening.
"HAHAHAHA!" Rebo said, "Now you can't hurt me!"
Lupa glared at her, then reached into her pocket and pulled out a gun. "Ooops,"
said Rebo, "That's...not...good..."
"Say your prayers, kid," said Lupa, taking aim.
"HARVEY! HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Rebo screamed.
MEANWHILE, IN THE DRESSING ROOM...
Harvey was still at it on the hamster wheel. Suddenly, his Hamster Sense began to tingle.
Harvey stopped running, undid the bolt on the wheel with his teeth, then started running
as fast as his little hamster legs would carry him. The wheel spun straight into the
glass, breaking a hole in it, then took off at light speed to the direction of the
cries...
BACK IN THE PARK...
Lupa fired. Rebo jumped out of the way. Lupa fired some more, so Rebo dodged some more.
Yep, you guessed it...after five shots, she tripped. What did you expect?
Lupa aimed carefully. "You won't get away..."
Rebo covered her head and watched her life flash before her eyes. Al giving her the
scarf...Al giving her the scarf...Al giving her the scarf... 'Wow, is my life REALLY that
boring?! Oh well, not like I mind having that one memory flash before my eyes over and
over...'
Lupa's finger moved to squeeze the trigger...when at that moment, a hamster wheel slammed
into her head. The gun moved over to the side and missed Rebo. WOW! What a play! Now,
here's our commentator Bill Datki for the instant replay! Bill!
"As you can see in this shot, Lupa is concentrating ONLY on firing at Rebo, who has
moved into a defensive position. Now, if you see, over to the side, here's the hamster
wheel on the ground...and check it out! Now, Harvey actually becomes airborne! Look at how
close the shot is to blowing out Rebo's brains and....OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!! A
beautiful play as you can see the hamster wheel making contact with
her face...and she loses her concentration! Watch now...the shot actually goes over to the
right, just missing! What a play! Let's see that again...Now, watch it...isn't this
amazing?! LET'S SEE THAT AGAIN! WOW! What a wonderful play! LET'S SEE THAT..."
Suddenly, the voice of Rebo yells "SHOVE A SOCK IN IT!" Loud crashing sounds are
heard.
We now return to our fanfic, still in progress...
Rebo opened her eyes when she heard the shot miss her. She blinked when she saw Harvey on
the ground, as well as Lupa and the hamster wheel. "Wow..." she said, surprised.
Harvey's hamster wheel came back around and hit Lupa once more, knocking her down and
sending her weapon flying. "It's gotta be the Hamster Chow..." Rebo said, in
awe, picking up the weapon and aiming it at Lupa.
Harvey's hamster wheel tipped over, sending the little critter to the ground. He scurried
over to Rebo, his job done, and having satisfied PETA supporters and Al fans everywhere.
"Don't make a move!" yelled Rebo, "Or I'm gonna..."
The clouds moved away from the moon. Lupa quickly changed into a werewolf again.
"...blow...your..." Rebo pulled the trigger, only to hear it click.
"Jinkies!" she said, "Oh well, I doubt a werewolf would carry a silver
bullet anyway."
WereLupa let out a piercing howl and charged. Rebo hurriedly scooped up Harvey and tore
off towards the swamps. "Okay, Harvey!" she said, "I don't think werewolves
are our forte anyway..."
MEANWHILE, IN A TOWN 30 MINUTES AWAY...
"Yes? Bobby?" spoke the voice of a teenage boy. He wore thin glasses, had short,
brown hair with fairly long bangs, and wore a long black coat with high boots. His voice
seemed to show absolutely no emotion as well. Which was awfully strange, considering the
fact that he was completely surrounded by a fine assortment of vampires, all hissing and
hungry for his blood.
"Okay...Wendall...I really need your help!" came Bobby's voice.
"Yes, I'm listening...what's the story?" said the boy (Who was obviously
Wendall).
At that moment, a vampire lunged for Wendall's throat. "Okay, see, Wendall, uh, my
girlfriend, you remember her, right? In Kipsburg? Well, she and a friend were attacked by
a werewolf, and her friend got bitten..."
The vampire screamed as Wendall shoved a wooden stake through its chest. It turned to
ashes, which quickly disappeared. "So, I need to exterminate two werewolves,
then?" he said into the phone, not losing the monotone in his voice.
"NO!" yelled Bobby, frightened, "No, see one of them is
an...important...friend, okay?! I thought that maybe...you could help him?!"
Another vampire screamed as it got a stake through the heart. "It all
depends..." Wendall said, "Werewolf cases are not easy to reverse. It depends on
the circumstances, the severity of the transformation..."
Wendall ducked as another one soared over his head. As it stood up, he shoved a stake
through its chest. "Not only that, but tonight is a big night," he continued,
"they always act up on Halloween. Two werewolves on the loose, as compared to a
vampire rampage..."
Bobby sighed on the other end. "Okay, so what if I said her friend was 'Weird Al'
Yankovic?!"
Wendall froze. He remained silent in thought for a few moments.
"Wendall? Are you there?"
He heard a vampire shriek as it was killed by another slayer. He turned around to look at
a familiar girl with blonde hair and a stake. "Can you handle this, Buffy?" he
said, "I've got an emergency in Kipsburg."
She beat the living daylights (nightlights) out of another vampire. "Sure, I'll call
Willow," she said, "I've got it under control."
He nodded and returned the phone to his ear. "I'll be there as soon as
possible."
MEANWHILE, OUT IN THE SWAMPS OF KIPSBURG...
Al moaned in pain again as the moon came out. This was starting to get annoying. He
wondered what was going to happen next before his mind lost conciousness.
Soon the transformation was complete and Al had once more become WereAl. He let out a loud
cry into the darkness.
The hooded figure appeared through the trees. "It's about time I found you," he
said, "Now...GO KILL THAT GIRL!"
He held up the amulet, which lit up again. WereAl's eyes began to glow, then he snarled
and began to walk forward. He looked around him in search of his target...when something
just behind him caught his eye.
He saw something gray and bushy, moving back and forth. He grabbed for it but missed. Soon
he was on all fours, but whatever he was trying to catch stayed just out of reach...
WereAl was chasing his tail. He wasn't doing too bad, though. He was actually pretty close
to catching it, in fact. His tail-chasing skills were very well developed, especially
considering he was still a fledling werewolf.
The hooded man slapped his forehead. "Oh, just GREAT!" he grumbled. He looked
over his amulet and noticed a small engraving on the back. "'Made in Taiwan'?! DAMN
CHEAP AMULETS!" he yelled, stamping up and down angrily.
He cut his temper tantrum short when he heard a rather loud yelp of pain. He looked over
at WereAl who was whimpering and stroking his tail.
"The
only thing worse than a werewolf who chases his tail," he muttered,
"is one who CATCHES IT!"
TO BE CONTIN-
"HOLD ON! Just a minute!" Suddenly, (human) Al walked out, glaring at the
screen. "Okay, I thought this was supposed to be a fanfic about ME!" he yelled,
"But more than HALF of this has been about Rebo running around! I only got TWO SCENES
this chapter! TWO STINKIN' SCENES! And I had to share one of them with some stinkin' CAMEO
CHARACTERS!!! Who IS this story about anywa-"
*BONK*
(Ahem)
TO BE CONTINUED...
1_2_3_4_Epilogue
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